


Sacrifice/Silence

by MissErikaCourt



Series: Winter Rivetra Week 2018 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt, Loss/Grief, bring your tissues, can't have rivetra without heartbreak, just typical rivetra things tbh, prompts from tumblr, rivetra, rivetra week 2018, winter rivetra week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissErikaCourt/pseuds/MissErikaCourt
Summary: Levi thinks back on the events of the 57th expedition and what could have been had the whole thing turned out differently.





	Sacrifice/Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I'm late jumping on the bandwagon, but I'm just gonna complete these prompts as I have the time to do so because I can't miss out on rivetra week. I need to write all the things for my OTP, okay?!
> 
> So this little drabble is set after the 57th expedition. I don't really know if it's any good and it's probably pretty similar to other stories I've written about the 57th expedition but I have a lot of feelings about this arc, okay? I hope you enjoy!

It was funny, when he thought about it, how easy it was for him to sacrifice the things he held dear for the good of the many people he was sworn to protect. It was funny how silent it was now that everyone was _gone_. It was funny that he couldn't stop any of it from happening. It was funny that this had been _his choice_ , even though he absolutely hated that choice now. It was funny that he'd just been telling Eren that he shouldn't regret his choices because no one could ever know how it would turn out. It _had_ to be funny because if it wasn't funny it was painful.

It was painful that he'd let his whole squad die because he blindly followed Erwin's orders, even though they made no sense to him at the time. It was _painful_ that he'd found them all one by one as he flew toward the sound of Eren's titan roaring in the distance. It was _fucking_ _painful_ that he couldn't show any of the hurt that he was feeling because then he would look _weak_ , and that's not what anyone needs right now. The most painful thing of all, though, was when he saw Petra's father walking toward him as they marched their pitiful party back through the streets. He could still hear the man's words echoing through his mind.

“Thank you for bringing my daughter home safe,” He said. “I'm Petra's father! I'd like to discuss something before she spots me.”

Levi knew what was coming. He knew what Petra's father would say to him, even before it left his lips. He knew that this would be something else he would regret. Something else _painful_. Something else that would haunt his dreams, his thoughts, his every waking moment. Something else that would make him feel like he was a failure while the rest of humanity praised him for being the strongest soldier.

“She sent me a letter, you see...She said she was assigned to serve you because you recognized her skill. She said she wants to devote herself to you...” Petra's father paused there, and a look that Levi wasn't sure about crossed his face. Something between pride and sadness. “Basically, the girl's so starry-eyed that she has no idea how worried her parents are!”

Levi remembered the way Petra's father laughed after that. The way he looked so happy about what he was about to say next because Levi would always remember how quickly the man's happiness disappeared.

“So, well, as her father, you see...I feel like it's a bit too early to let her get married. She's still so young and has so much to experience...”

Through the whole thing, Levi stayed silent because he knew that if he spoke, that if he dared to utter a single word to this man, his carefully crafted facade would crumble. He knew that if he said anything he wouldn't be able to control the emotions that he'd stowed away for later. Later when he was alone to mull over his sacrifices. Later when he was alone and he could let the silence completely take him over.

But now later had come, and he still couldn't face what had happened. If he let himself think back on the expedition, on Petra, on everything that had happened, he wasn't sure he would be able to pull himself together again. The worst part of all of this, perhaps, was that being alone wasn't helping him nearly as much as he'd thought it would. Being alone just granted him time to explore all the different possibilities for how this expedition could have turned out.

If he would have just gone to them instead of refilling his gas none of this would have happened. If he would have just stayed with them and left Erwin and Mike and Hanji to handle the female titan none of this would have happened. If he would have just been a good enough leader _none of this would have happened!_ Petra would still be _alive_. Petra would be here with him right now, making him tea and smiling at him and helping him through the paperwork that always came with these god-forsaken expeditions. If he would have just been good enough Petra would still be alive. But that wasn't the case. Add something else to his list of regrets. Add something else to his list of failures. Add something else to his list of sacrifices, and now all he had left to show for it was...silence.


End file.
